Navigating the Unknown: Empowering Mothers through Inspired twin parenting strategies

I am a parent who is happy being one. More so, the exciting roller coaster of parenting twins is a phase of my life that I absolutely adore. Most days I have a good hold on life. But a little while back, If you met me, I was a mother to twin boys who had no hold on any aspect of life. I looked flabbergasted – trying to hold her escaping kids with her hands, being pulled in all directions. I was somehow holding myself from breaking down in my aghast situations. So, what changed? In today’s blog, I want to share how I navigated the unknown and possibly empower mothers through  my strategies in parenting.

Navigating the Unknown

The aspect of being a parent is not unknown  to many. A lot of people around me have been mothers, possibly more than once and done a decent job out of it. But for me, parenting was an unknown territory. One, because I was a first time mom, and two, because it was twins. No one in my near or extended family knew how to manage twins. So they didn’t just not have experience in  managing twins or missed twin parenting strategies, they also had little to no understanding of how complicated it can be to nourish and raise twin infants.

It was constantly a battle, in fact, multiple battles – managing twins, managing expectations of experienced mothers like my mother and mother in law, managing my home along with it, and least of all, managing my own mind and body. I wasn’t doing any thing right – and navigating through deep dark waters with just 1 single priority 0f raising my twins right. It felt like I was fighting all other needs and demands but completely focused in what my babies needed at that time.

I hung on to the support of my pediatrician. No matter what anyone else told me, I was completely focused and driven to follow my pediatricians advice on how to raise them, train them, and work towards better health. This did put me in tough spots and poor situations, but my focus was unbudged.

Twin Parenting Strategies that Empowered Me

It was not easy to figure out twin parenting strategies that worked for me. The era I was living in, all supportive family had parented children multiple decades ago. So there were no modern methods that could help in my set up. I gave birth to twins in 2013. In India, we followed a lot of google advice and learned from reliable sources about raising a baby. There was newer and Indian population specific information too, but resources helping with multiple births – twins, triplets or more was absolutely absent.

All I found on the internet back then was individual queries and accounts and they were  not very helpful, if not absolutely scary in some ways.

So here is some things that helped me.

1. Always listen to a medically verified source/person.

Information is available on the internet today, but one needs  to be very careful as to what advice they are following and who is the one recommending it. I stuck to my pediatrician’s advice. You could think about considering advice from reputed websites, science journals, experienced mothers and so on.

2. Put your foot down

If you know that certain aspects do not fit right with how your child should be raised, put your foot down and deny. It can be from your parent or parents in law, from friends and neighbors or other mothers who follow different styles – and often people come to you with force and insistence. Do what you feel is right.

3. Accept the help

If certain family members want to help you – take the help. Trying to do everything you can, and beyond, will make matters worse. Your children deserve a well rested, happy mother. Also, keep in mind, accept help related to other chores. I personally preferred managing my babies on my own and hiring help or accepting family’s help for other house chores. I was certain I wanted to be the primary caretake of my children and I stuck to the plan.

4. Take your health matters seriously

Do not, and I would repeat again, do not take your health casually. A tired, weak, cranky, and broken person will not be able to fulfil anything. You may constantly feel like a failure even when you are doing everything and beyond your capacity. You and your body and mind need rest and relaxation. Trust a family member to take care of your children when you take a break and rest.

5. Be mindful of what goes in your body

Be very calculative of what goes inside your body – the food, the sounds, the thoughts – everything matters. As new mother, we tend to be too tired to cook and want to eat something from outside. Even if you are craving junk food, have someone prepare it for you at home, not in a restaurant. The upcoming trend of cloud kitchen and home kitchen make it feasible to have better quality food made in failr smaller batches compared to the food from restaurants – rely on those instead. Food from restaurants can be adulterated or not prepared as carefully. Home kitchen tend to use better ingredients and making in smaller batches somewhat ensures that the food you get will be fresher and cleaner.

As for your thoughts – make sure you do not engage in difficult behavior or toxic environments at home and work especially when you are a new mother. Raising a child can be a very difficult job and you do not want your mind to be clouded with thoughts that serve no good.

Be around people that cheer you up and make you happy.

6. Feeling Blue?

I wish I took this seriously way before. My children were around 6 years old when I sought help from a psychiatrist and got diagnosed with chronic and recurring depression. It’s been 4 years since I’m constantly on medication for depression.

As I became a mom, I started getting more and more frustrated and angry all of the time. I always felt like I was a failure and I had no hold in life. Eventually, I would end up yelling at my children, knowing full well that their actions are actions of exploration and not a plot to bother me. Their unquenchable curiosity  often ended up in a lot of bothersome work for me. While I understood their perspective and needs, I was constantly angry and bothered.

When I started my medication, it took around 2 months for those to settle in my body. In the start I felt very sleepy and slowed down – like things were extremely snail paced and it took a lot to react. Slowly, that settled and I realized that I lived with so much anger, anxiety and over reactions – that regular  life seemed heavily slowed down to me.

My Instagram

Ever since, I have used my Instagram to do 2 main things – Spread laughter and spread awareness about the importance of mental health in a woman. My Instagram page: Mummasauruss is completely  focussed on these two aspects and more.

 

How Using these twin parenting strategies made me a better twin parent:

• I’ve come to a realize that I get angry and frustrated  very less and from a dominating and anger problem mother, I’m a non-strict, friendly and lovable mother.
• I keep a lot of free time pockets when I do nothing at home but simply lie down and watch TV with my children. So on busy days, I’m using those pockets of time and they absorb all of my stress.
• I have the time and mind frame to listen to all the repetitive jokes, things that happened in school or how they defeated a villain in their game – without wanting them to just stop talking.
• I end up cracking a lot of jokes with them and we laugh a lot uselessly.
• In turn, anxieties of my children and  husband have also reduced, because I tend to break their anxiety cycles by simply giving them times and space to deal with it.

The Effects

This is the kind of life I had imagined for myself, and some changes in my lifestyle brought about these changes. It has made my life abundant and open to more and more laughter. My overworked self was going to impress no one, but would have destroyed so many happy moments. My free time on the other hand, gives me time to either work at my pace, or simply spend free time with my family. I have become the shock absorber of my family – I’m equipped to calm them down on their hyper or difficult days, just because I have the mental bandwidth to do that.

So when people compliment me that I look like a mother who has it figured out – they see the result of all the twin parenting strategies I used to make it happen. And today, I have spelled them out for us all – to become better mothers, better humans, who are at peace with our own self.

This Blog is written for participation in the “Inspire Beyond Motherhood Awards” hosted by Inspire beyond motherhood, and Ekta – The Confused Parent. I truly appreciate this opportunity to share my views and express that my idea of a perfect parent is a happy parent!!