A Rendezvous with God (Hilarious Read)

Anxiously waiting with a laptop in my hand, ready with my questions. Waiting for that Epiphany, that Moment of truth where I feel that my guest has finally arrived. They say that in his reign, it may get delayed, but there’s never darkness. (देर है पर अंधेर नहीं….) By now, I’m positive that you have guessed it. Today, I’m in a candid, open hearted conversation with GOD – The Almighty himself!

I’m equal parts nervous and excited because honestly, we’ve been in conversation so many times. I’m more pally than a devotee per se. But today, since I have to reveal his ‘pally’ side to the world, I’m just a bit jittery of how he’s going to respond. This blog is a part of my participation in the Write Tribe Festival of Words #6. The prompt for today is to feature a guest blog or an interview. So you know what I chose.

For added effects, Kindly read in Morgan Freeman’s tone of voice. (He’s my favourite God across Bollywood & Hollywood!)

God arrived in a matter of seconds. I thought about him and here he was! This is what my conversation looked like:-

Me:- What is God if all your superpowers are taken away?

God: I’m still God because no one can take my super powers away. Not like my creations have never tried (and failed miserably) but don’t you think it’s kind of impossible?

Keep a tab on your wishful thinking, you HUMAN.

Source: Giphy.com

Me:  What do you do in your leisure time?

God: I create masterpieces. So the ‘most successful’ or the ‘biggest failure’ are both masterpieces I made in my free time. Same goes for the prettiest & the ugliest of people, and so on. Some turn out really awesome and some are just Beh..! 

I also like to nap in between my routines. But you Humans go berserk every time I nap. You go on War or plan terrorist attacks and just mess it all up – Just like your toddler ruins everything in the kitchen while you nap. Then you go – “oh god save us!”.

Source: tenor.com

Me: That’s what I was coming to next. People complain that the problem with God is that he doesn’t listen to their prayers. They suffer from illnesses, they’re in difficult situations in life, they are stuck in war zones or terrorist attacks. Just wanted to know, why so?!

God: When you wake up from deep slumber with your kids slaying the house, Do you listen to them or you just whack them?

Me: Errmm… Please? May I request you to answer this for us?

God: See, I have this set of cards & a team of demigods who are responsible.

I’m God. I can’t personally sit down and manage your entire population on earth. So they have religions allotted. Whenever there is an incoming prayer from their religion, they pick a card as response and perform as per instructions on it. Like Card 542 means you will be stuck, locked in your toilet with no tissue. Card 799 means you will be saved just a few seconds before you are dying. Card 28 means someone close to you will betray you, so on & so forth.

Source: Tumblr.com

Some people are served karma right away, some take ages and some are mean and never get this karma dessert served. Now you know why!

Me: So, Why the Global Warming, Earthquakes, and other Natural calamities?

God: I’ve lost my patience and you guys are soo – soo many. I started with a man and a woman and thought of making a few more. Then it became so routine, that I decided to automate the process with all species. But Look at you guys! No one abused the privilege like you guys. So, time and again, I just like to shake up my jar and maybe chuck some cookies out so I can close the lid.

Source: tenor.com

Me: There have been stories of reincarnation is it true? does it happen?

God: Yes, old bottle new packing – we all do that, don’t we? There are days when I’m bored so I just refurbish older models and send them out into the world. So targets fulfilled and mood restored!

Source: http://photoshopcontest.com

Me: Is it ok to eat non-veg food on Tuesdays? Do you really get angry and cause our life to go hay wire because I ate a leg piece or a piece of cake on a Tuesday? How do you track who ate and who didn’t ..?

God: Come on now! Don’t ask me everything!!

Also,

Source: Giphy.com

Me:  Any message for the believers?

God: ARE YOU KIDDING? I got so many books for you guys. Go read any of those for ‘my messages’ and kill some time y’all.

Source: GIPHY.com

Me: Message for atheists?

God: You don’t give a damn about me? Guess what, I don’t give a damn about you! But if you mess with God, you know, I can have my team pick the worse of cards. The benefit with God is that I get to decide!

Source:- www.Tenor.com

Me: Well, I really Thank You for your time and making an Interview with God possible. I’m sure my readers will enjoy the insight into how our life actually works!

God: Of course, the pleasure is Yours alone. You just killed my nap time. But still, I’d sign off by saying, if you need me, just think of me and all that – you know that gig, right?!

 

Me: Yes, God! Thank you, Almighty!

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Well, I’m not really sure if he’s always that arrogant or did my statements in Bold hurt his ego (his statements in regular  😛 )

I hope you enjoyed reading this Interview with God.

Don’t forget to SHARE this article with your friends.

You may also like to check out my entry for Day 5 in the Write Tribe Festival of Words #6 “My Dear Table” – An Open Letter to the Tables of the World

This Interview is my Day 7 entry in the Write Tribe Festival of Words #6

#WriteBravely