5 Mistakes I Made as a First Time Mom of Twins

“You have two heart beats”.
“Hmm? What? What does that mean?”
“You are carrying Twins”.
“Oh My God! Are you Serious?”
That must be my first “OMG Are you serious” moment with my twins, but that definitely wasn’t the last. I had at least  a million more such moments and a many more than that to come! When I had twins, I barely knew anyone who could speak with me out of experience. No one I knew had twins, there wasn’t much Indian Literature available on how to take care of twin children, especially when they were born. But with hit and trial, i learnt quite some bit on  my own. Compiling my list of first experiences, here are 5 things I wish I didn’t do as a first time Mom of twins:

1. Wanted them to keep quiet

When I was a first-time mom, every time the babies cried, I felt it was my fault. I had to make them stop crying. The efforts and willingness to correct whatever made them cry was actually right, but them crying wasn’t my fault. As a new mom, when babies cry, it is nerve wracking. It makes us nervous, feel incompetent and the situation with twins feels like it spirals out of control within seconds.

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What I should have done

I should have tolerated some bit of cries. I should not have let it make me nervous, jittery, or make their cries question my ability as a parent.Only if someone told me that babies cry, and they cry a lot. For the initial 3 months of life, that is their usual mode of communication for anything unpleasant like hunger, pain, sleep deprivation, excretion, way to call their parents. A cry is an alarm, not a blame.

2. Sleep Light

I had been a very deep sleeper all my life. My mom took 20-30 minutes to pull me out of sleep, and after that I would take time to be lazy and wake up from bed. But from the sleep stage to the stage of waking or consciousness would take around 20-30 minutes. When I had my twins, I was, just like every new mother, heavily sleep deprived. But I was also under a constant fear that my babies will cry at night and I will never get to know. The fear that I will not wake up as they wail in hunger. If you have been a mom, you know how crucial every single feed is for your child. And this fear of falling asleep and not knowing, was a terror for me.

I also roll a lot in my sleep. I used to be afraid that I will roll over them and suffocate them, injure them (and yes, kill them).

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One single sound and I would jerk and jump up from sleep. These feelings had ruined my ability to sleep at all. It kept me nervous and anxious all the time, taking a toll on my health. Needless to say, anyways sleep was poor in the first few months, and this anxiety ruined even that little time I had for sleep.

What I should have done

Research says that baby cries are designed in a way that they cannot be ignored. Their sounds and shrieks are shrill and of high pitch, which can wake up even the deepest of sleeps. Also, due to hormones, first few months, a mother’s sleep becomes light. I should have been known that no matter what, I won’t be crushing them. I will not be able to ignore them, and I will wake up to feed them well in time.

3. Diapers

Cloth diapers. Nappies. Disposable Diapers.

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Tens of options, and all are criticized by senior members of the family. I wanted to use disposable diapers for my children, but family opposed it strongly. My children were born in December and because of the cold weather, they would urinate very often. Not just that, with urination, their underwear, their clothes, bedding, everything would get pee on them. Trouble didn’t end there, we barely were managing chores along with new born twins and those really hug loads of clothes to wash wasn’t making our life easy. Clothes would pile up, they wouldn’t dry.

Worst case of all was the need to wash the baby again and again. They would feel very cold or would get heavy rashes and nothing could be done about it. I changed to disposable diapers when the kids turned around 3-4 months. Wipes came in handy to clean them up. That changed things drastically for me. I also used gentle water based wipes to clean their hands and feet, or wipe their runny noses in case they had one.

What I should have done

I should have taken a careful choice of disposable diapers and used wipes to clean the twins. At least, we would have been saved from a lot of chores, and a lot of wetness and rashes on the kids. They would have gotten lesser skin problems as the butt area is very sensitive. The twins would have slept better if they did not feel like peeing so often and getting drenched. We used Mother sparsh Wipes, India’s first water-based wipes on our kids and it helped us a lot.  I only wish I had used them from Day 1.

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4. Try Home Remedies

New Born babies face a lot of trouble because of low immunity. Cold, cough, GERD, colic, many troubles hit them because of a still developing body and its systems. I was always told that medicines are bad, and I should try home remedies instead. I wasn’t allowed to supplement them with iron, multivitamins, or any other such drops. Simply because some older members of the family felt that medicines do not let the child learn to deal with problems on its own. I had to argue and combat such opinions. Sometimes I gave in, sometimes I became a rebel and did what felt best for my child.

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What I should have done

Home remedies can be used on babies, but only the ones that include application. For example, remedies that include rubbing a certain oil on baby, or applying asafoetida on the baby’s belly, are alright. But making a few months old child lick honey, or honey and brandy (yes, that is a well-practiced method in India), or to be fed some juice or biscuits before the age of 6 months, are remedies we should stay away from. Any remedy that includes ingestion of anything before the age of 6 months should be avoided completely. Trust in the medicines that your doctor is giving. These medicines are made for a child’s body and a doctor is well qualified to understand the need of your child’s body.

5. Be afraid of being a parent

I was really afraid. I was nervous. Things would get out of control on an everyday basis. I just felt that everyone has it in control and I just don’t. My babies were crying, I wasn’t able to breastfeed. My sleep was never complete. I felt ‘stupid’. No more friendships existed. I was a cut off from everything. The constant feeling that things would never change. It felt like I will continue to be this obese ball of flesh, with zero talents and no hair. It felt like my confidence will never come back.

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What I should have done

I should have believed that what others show case is just a part of their happy times. They go through the drops of life too and probably feel too overwhelmed to talk about it. I should have known that the situation changes. My weight will shed, I will look pretty, I will have a sane mind soon enough. I should have believed that this is a temporary phase and life gets even better than it was before having twins.

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